Couples and Money -- Commentary #2

             As a financial consultant, I use a basic three-step process to help couples change their ineffective couple communication.  

           Step #1 is the simplest step in this process of change and for some of you, it will be the hardest. I call it the commitment step. Make a commitment with your partner that says, “We have decided we are going to work together and manage our money life differently.” Or, “I am making a commitment with you to make our money life work even when we differ-- even when it gets hard.”  

           If you already have a commitment, this step seems simplistic. For those of you who don't have a commitment, this step may seem too difficult. Either way, if you want to change your ineffective couple communication model, the first step is commitment. Commitment says, “No matter what, we will.”  

           Step # 2 in this three-step process is an understanding step. This is the step where you as a couple come to grips with your beliefs about money—your attitudes—your values—and how you are different from each other.      

           How would you answer the following questions?

           1.   How much should be spent on a new golf bag?

           2.   How much should be spent on a computer?

           3.   How much should we have in savings?

           4.   How much should be spent on a pair of jeans for our 15 year old?

           Now that you each have answered these four questions, how do you think your partner has answered these questions?

           As a couple, take some time to sit down together and discuss your spending and saving differences. Don't evaluate. Simply make a mental list of your differences. Then talk together about the problems these differences have caused in your relationship.

           If you understand that you are different from each other and that you have a commitment to work together, you can respectfully find the middle ground that is needed to make effective money decisions.

           Respect for yourself and your partner is essential for making money decisions and changing your money life.  Understanding is needed to build this respect between the two of you.